Analyze this

Sometimes it's a tough call- Do I go to therapy because I'm not doing very well, or do I go to therapy when I feel really great to get that reaffirmed by someone else? Why is it that I feel better about my successes when my therapists celebrates them with me? Too often I find myself calling my mother or a close friend after a session and triumphantly regaling them with a sentence of praise or a word of advice offered to me by my therapist. Too often I am dimly aware as I'm gabbing on that I've heard this advice and/or praise somewhere else before (perhaps from my mother or a close friend?) but hearing it from someone who's credentials adorn the wall of a rented downtown room makes it better. Realer. More valid. Coveted.


I've been thinking a bit recently about this economy. About the concept of paying someone for a service that you may or may not need. I think that a vast number of people make their livings off of a knowledge that translates to a service that everyone else is willing to pay for. Maybe I don't know anything about psychology. Thing is, I know as little about psychology as my shrink knows about me, so neither one of us is truly fully qualified. Even if I was a shrink, I'd still be fucked due to personal bias so I suppose it's a moot point. 


But it applies to everything!


Like, I need to take singing lessons. I need them for a lot of reasons; I don't breathe well, I don't sing from my diaphragm, I don't have a basic understanding of my jaw and mouth muscles and so much more. I could easily go to school, do the work, earn a degree and figure it out for myself, but that would cost way more time and money! So the easiest thing is to just pay someone else and try not to hate yourself for not knowing enough about anything to do it yourself for free. 


I can't fix my own car, cobble my own shoes, cook a 5 course meal- but all these things are so tantalizingly within reach that it's almost frustrating. 

I've moved!

I've started a new blog called "Germs in the Workplace"

http://www.tumblr.com/blog/germsintheworkplace

Check it out for more of the same, only hopefully more cohesive and with a much less ridiculous backdrop.

Love,

Gloria Dysphoria

I must admit I am pending. An idling vehicle at a yellow light, a fried egg that has yet to be flipped, a loose tooth that needs to be pulled, an awkward haircut that hasn't grown out yet.

For a society hell bent on progress it does seem to be in personal short supply. Is it just that progress was designed to be something one always strives for yet never really feels? Perhaps in my day to day activities it can and does appear that I'm stuck in one place perpetually. Still young, still anxious, still scared of nothing, still resentful of the nothingfear. Perhaps my day to day self is unable to look objectively across a broader trajectory to sift through the mire and collect the little self affirming gems of progress and hope. I think that I've totally lost my big picture person. That part of my brain that can examine things from a lofty height. She's gone somewhere else! Where? I don't know. If I did, I'd trace her down, hog tie her and wrangle her back into my mind crate to help me maintain a firmer grasp on reality.

And I'm running out of synovial gas.