Mid night fear

This is just for me. This feeling is completely and wholly mine.
I am lying in bed. I went to bed at 8 on a Tuesday with nothing pressing to wake up early for. This is a panic attack. Panic attacks differ greatly from anxiety attacks. I differentiate the two in one major way; anxiety attacks are triggered by a phobia or worry, panic attacks are not. Panic attacks are brought on by seemingly nothing. They attack the body with a succession of symptoms mimicking terror borne of nothingness.

Here I am. My face is hot, burning, flushed. My left side aches (it always does when I'm nervous) Under the blush I know I'm pale and I can feel my feet sweating. My breathing is shallow and erratic and my stomach is flip flop with each new thought introduced into the churning vat of sludge my brain calls fear. And it's driving the car. Too late to go out, too sick to get up, too early to sleep. I am prone waiting for the megavideo to time out and the silence to overwhelm me. Can't get up, mom's in the next room. Can't release the tension. help me help me help me help me. I move in slow precise increments. Can't fuck up, drop anything because that'll be the end.

Ever notice how whenever a part of you malfunctions there's always a moment where you realize how important that one thing is and how fucked your life would be if it didn't work all the time? A chest cold gives way to the revelatory perspective that if you had cystic fibrosis you would be 100% more miserable than that chest cold made you feel for 2 weeks and how glad you are that your lungs ordinarily work. Anxiety can be like that too only it's fleeting moments of calm that make you appreciate every single part of yourself because panic attacks feel like small, all encompassing rebellions. Nothing works. Your mouth, your throat, your skin, hell not even your ass. Your mind decides to save itself and skips town, chased away by the thing that has no name because it doesn't even really exist except in the cartoon fart skid mark cloud your mind leaves behind. Anxiety is like sanity's afterbirth.
help me help me help me.
I don't remember how to stop thinking about this. I don't think I ever learned another way. Our minds are our own and to a certain extent we teach ourselves and inform ourselves as to how to percieve what surrounds us. Did I just do a really shitty job? 10:00 on a fucking Tuesday, nothing at all to wake up for and I'm not going anywhere.