Ok so fuck yes.
I wanted to call a few days ago and I didn't. Like I REALLY wanted to call. But I didn't. And this is the payoff! This is it! I woke up today and was reminded of what having a life felt like. Of how being alone can be really good and spending time with people that think you're awesome can make you feel yourself becoming more awesome.
I am aware of the downer reputation this blog has gotten. It IS a fucking downer. It isn't meant to be upbeat because this is the salvation army of my mind where I go to donate all my unwanted crap.
Suffice to say my life isn't deadly blue all days. My love is now an echo and I'm listening to it fade. With each dimmed call my life looks a bit brighter and that ain't so bad, is it?
I even wrote a poem.
In this crucial time I stay away.
I want to posses you in the night and
be held accountable for
your swollen legs in the day. But
I think I know what love is now-
I am making broad strokes,
wanting it to appear.
I can tell you aren't
the love as I sense your heart's
a liar.
I wait for the day to come when
we can be content as strangers.
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